I originally shared this on my Facebook page but I thought I’d post it on my blog too just incase anyone is feeling the same way and it can offer them comfort.
When the ultrasound tech told me I was having a girl, I smiled as a huge ball formed in my throat. When I got back into the car with my husband by my side, I looked at the grainy image and cried!
It wasn’t really gender disapointment, after all who wouldn’t be excited to have a little shopping partner for life? I was just scared. What if she looked like me? What if she felt like me? What if she was unhappy with her looks like me?
After a few tears and a week of getting used to the idea I started to change my way of thinking.
My husband’s words in answer to my endless questions were “Yeah, but she’s not you…”And really that’s the truth, isn’t it. She is not me.
She does not have all of my insecurities. She wasn’t born with all of my accumulated experiences of feeling shitty about fat thighs and curly hair. She is a whole brand new person with a lifetime to learn about what makes her special.
I may not be able to protect her from all the heartache and challenges of being a woman in this world but I can try my hardest. I can stand in front of the mirror and say something nice about myself. I can be in photographs and not hide at the back. I can be proud and confident even on days I don’t really feel like it. I can try and be a good role model and I can hope that makes a difference to her.
I can’t imagine life without my daughter now. In fact I’d love to have another girl! She’s healed a lot of hate I had for myself and the way she looks at me makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.